[ to be honest, tony wouldn't have been surprised if jason threw his words back in his face.
it has happened time and time again throughout his life and his relationship with others, enough for him to start subconsciously bracing himself for the inevitable anger and accusations flung his way — sometimes deserved; other times, not so much.
a part of him is riding on receiving that response.
it's familiar territory. it'll distract him from the discomfort of knowing that he just let slip a bunch of things that he should have kept buried inside because they're either too personal or they work in direct opposition to what he's been aiming to achieve.
it's great if other people can open themselves up to new relationships, despite their current circumstance, but he isn't able to. ]
to what end though?
am i supposed to hedge my bets on the potentiality of forgetting everything once i'm back home so i should just do whatever the hell i want now with zero regard for those who i might leave behind?
just letting things be is easy, but whether you should depends on how willing you are to accept the outcome and take responsibility for it, disregarding what that outcome may turn out to be
i've already fucked that up once in my life in a big way i'm not willing to do it again
[ not without weighing the pros and cons. not without knowing the full scope of things. not without thoroughly going over every single little detail first and mapping out all of the ways it can go horribly wrong, and then scrapping everything and starting all over again just to quadruple check you didn't miss anything the first few times. ]
no subject
it has happened time and time again throughout his life and his relationship with others, enough for him to start subconsciously bracing himself for the inevitable anger and accusations flung his way — sometimes deserved; other times, not so much.
a part of him is riding on receiving that response.
it's familiar territory. it'll distract him from the discomfort of knowing that he just let slip a bunch of things that he should have kept buried inside because they're either too personal or they work in direct opposition to what he's been aiming to achieve.
it's great if other people can open themselves up to new relationships, despite their current circumstance, but he isn't able to. ]
to what end though?
am i supposed to hedge my bets on the potentiality of forgetting everything once i'm back home so i should just do whatever the hell i want now with zero regard for those who i might leave behind?
just letting things be is easy, but whether you should depends on how willing you are to accept the outcome and take responsibility for it, disregarding what that outcome may turn out to be
i've already fucked that up once in my life in a big way
i'm not willing to do it again
[ not without weighing the pros and cons. not without knowing the full scope of things. not without thoroughly going over every single little detail first and mapping out all of the ways it can go horribly wrong, and then scrapping everything and starting all over again just to quadruple check you didn't miss anything the first few times. ]